How I Learned To Conquer My Mind

Only once you’ve confidently conquered your own mind. Can you even be nearly prepared to help someone with theirs. I truly believe that you need to work on yourself consistently for a long time before you can help others with their similar struggles. I’ve only just started to feel even a little ready to help others through their challenges. I feel like I’ve maintained positive change in my life long enough now to know I made it through the darkest of darkness and I will never fall back like that again. Hopefully through sharing my experiences here this will progress to a more accurate view of my long term purpose.

I was certified as a hypntotherapist 4 years ago this was such a life changing experience for me. But before I could start practicing hypnosis on others I had to recover and fix myself. This course flipped my whole world upside down I left my husband, lived in a trailer, single parented for 3 years, physically transformed myself, financially failed, travelled to many countries… I took back my power but I didn’t really know how exactly it all happened or how to share this knowledge yet.

My Mental Health struggles definitly play a huge part in who I am now and how hard I know I can fight. I had a pretty bad self harm addiction from 12 to 17 years old. At 14 I spent 6 months in a mental institution misdiagnosed as suicidal with anxiety/depression. The treatment led to near suicide since the medication was not right for me. These pills made me actually scary suicidal, when before I was hospitalized I actually was not at all, I just liked pain. I later received an adult diagnoses of ADHD. This was like an oh my god moment for me. My whole life I lacked dopamine and was given seritonine reuptakes for treatment instead. The whole mental health system was a mess I didnt even know how to function, constantly tearful, I could not understand my own mind. But once I understood more about ADHD brains and that we’re actually mentally composed different then other “normal brains” I was able to really learn and understand my own head and accept that I was different, and there was a reason for it. Sometimes I wonder if I was accurately diagnosed long ago if I would have chosen life differently. Maybe not to struggle as much as I have… But this was my path and I’m proud and so happy to have came to this point. And I was chosen to have lived through this for a reason.

Running and fitness for the last 5 years has been a miracle cure for my ADHD and totally relieved my lingering adult thoughts of self harm. Nutrition and high protein diet also a key factor in my success. Weight loss controlled most of my teenage life I went on my first diet at 10 years old. Not a healthy experience. Struggled with binging, purging, restricting… But until I stopped trying to lose weight and started trying to love myself and just focus on fitness for positive mental growth, change physically and weight loss actually occurred almost naturally. I feel like I was overweight with built up hidden emotions, anger, hate, sadness. Once I was freed myself from all that and learned better coping kills was I able to appreciate the real moments in my life.

I’m human and I still struggle pretty much daily with my emotions. And this will probably be part of my life forever. But I can accept that now and know that the more years of consistent learning and self awareness, the stronger, smarter and more resilient you become. 

I have influenced many lives personally but if I can pass on any of my knowledge here to even just one person and have even a fleck of change in their mind and life than I am happy I have accomplished something. But ultimately I write these reflections for me, my children, my family so I will forever be remembered of my moments, and my strengths through my own words, not just visual representations and half forgotten stories but details and written memories that will never fade.

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