When you stop trying to be something you’re not you attract the kind of people that love you for exactly who you are. Relationships often fail because we present ourselves differently in the first part of our relationship. Later realizing that we can’t maintain this version. We refuse to expose our complete selves to another person. We think we’re afraid they won’t accept us for who we are. But really we’re mostly afraid because we can’t accept ourselves for who we are. Those who can’t accept darkness are afraid of themselves. The most amazing feeling in the world is being loved as you are and never having to worry or hide ANYTHING about yourself. No matter how dark, twisted and crazy some parts of you are. We are all recovering from something.
In my experiences with relationships I’ve always been too afraid to let the darkest parts of myself show. Mostly because I was still afraid of what those parts of me really were. And I didn’t want to revisit them, I didn’t want to be that person anymore. But they will always be me.
Until you accept and learn to love these dark areas for yourself how do you expect someone else to. Being okay with everything that is part of your story, part of your life isn’t easy. I’m not proud of my scars all over myself from self harm. I’m not proud of being moody and difficult to get along with. I’m not proud of my failed relationship with an abusive person. I’m not proud of having adhd. But ultimately these experiences shaped me into who I am today. There are so many parts of myself I wish I didn’t have to share. But honestly those are the parts of me that make me who I am. This is what people can relate to, my struggles, my story. Being real. We aren’t meant to be perfect beings. We are all scared, bruised, challenging and difficult to love sometimes.
I would rather have this life exactly as it is over and over again than trade it for anything now. Because I have worked way too hard to want to lose where I am now. And I’m still learning and probably will spend my whole life constantly growing and relearning myself as I develop. But that’s a good thing because continuously I’m accepting and learning to love all the parts of myself. Dark and Light. Because after all we cannot shine until we have accepted all that is dark inside of us.
Just like in a relationship if you can’t accept your partner with all of their darkness. All of who they are. Why do you think you really deserve them when they shine?
When we really start to believe this idea, focus on ourselves, accept ourselves, expose ourselves and work on ourselves. We attract the type of relationship that feels open and free, not tied down and controlled. We will attract the most real undisguised relationship of our lives. One that you won’t have to hold onto and worry about lasting because you’ve been completely real. They’re with you for who you are.
Don’t put so much effort on making a relationship work. That’s what makes it fail. Focus all of your effort on yourself. Figure out what you like and don’t like in a relationship and don’t be afraid to share all of that. That’s what needs to be out there so neither of you are in a relationship you’re unsure of. Both of you are completely happy with who you are alone or together. But ultimately compliment each other better when together. Creating two independent people that are together because they both CHOOSE to be, every single day.