From Laughed at to Admired

How I went from being laughed at to admired in 5 years without really realizing it.

I don’t know that I even know how I got to where I am but as I receive more and more comments and e-mails on my success it’s occurred to me that I have accomplished something many people are amazed by. How I turned my life from “the fat house wife with no dreams” to “successful fitness mom with goals and big dreams”.

I truly believe that success grows when shared. You can’t succeed alone and I think everyone deserves the opportunity to discover their own success by following their own path. Personal success shouldn’t be hidden or diminished or your hindering your own growth. Which has gotten me to the point where I am now. I finally feel ready to share my experiences that I have been too afraid of until now. Which is mostly why I started this blog. I have hidden some of my success’ because I just don’t like where I started from. I’m embarrassed of how far I let things go.

2011

My whole life I was a slightly overweight girl. My family was quite honest in pointing this out to me. I could not attend a family gathering without a comment about weight. From about the age of 10 to the age of 23 I had heard it countless times. You need to lose weight, you need to exercise, you need to think about your health. But I didn’t want to listen to anyone else. Because I didn’t want to fit into their world and expectations of me I wanted to create my own. Every comment from my childhood about my weight I remember to a T. These are engraved in me, and may be what drive me still to this day.

I have counted calories since I was 10 years old. I’ve tried countless quick fix diet plans and exercise programs. But none of which I was able to stick to or maintain weight loss once the program ended. I needed to create my own system that worked for me.

In 2011 after having my third child I noticed I was having really intense nightmares, feelings and fears of death, depression and unhappiness. I had imprisoned myself in my need to focus on everything that wasn’t going my way. I was addicted to being the victim and only seeing the negative. After seeing Doctors, Naturopathic Doctors , Counsellors… the only thing that was recommended for my unstable mood was getting into a regular exercise routine and eating a protein rich diet. I was doubtful that my mood would get much better but I decided to try committing to a 5k running goal and started analyzing nutrition labels. I was running regularly and eating around 1500 calories a day. Within 6 months I had lost 80 lbs, had beat my 5km goal and was running 10 km races and training for further. I was starting to be seen as a totally different person. I saw myself as being capable and people started to see my hidden “beauty”. I was featured in Canadian Living Magazine for my weight loss success. I was happy with my results.

July 2013

At the time I was in a unhealthy abusive relationship. I had three children. My partner worked out of town. My looks changed drastically I was suddenly receiving a lot of attention mainly from men. Which was a whole new experience for me. I enjoyed the attention but it was different. My family all thought I was “too skinny” now. I think this was when I gave up all hope of ever meeting their standards.

I started setting personal goals which led to my Hypnosis Certification. This was intended to be a stepping stone towards an interest in birthing hypnosis, but this ended up being a pivotal point in my life. I had some very interesting visions while I was taking this course. I was changed mentally, hypnosis gave me hope that everything in life CAN CHANGE but only if you want it to. Hypnosis was the first step in changing my thoguht pattern. When I came home from a month long course I had no intentions of changing anything instantly. But when I came home to a huge argument between my partner. I was torn and so upset with the way I was always being treated. I ended the relationship, right then after 8 year I was done. I should have been done a long time ago but this was it, I was now a single mother of 3.

For three years I single parented. Focused on my mental health and fitness which was a constant battle. I under went abdominoplasty to remove excess abdominal skin in 2013. Which led to many struggles I’m sure I’ll share more about in the future. I had issues with sexual attention, personal views of myself, self harm, addictions, mood… My body had changed drastically over the years but my mind had not quite gotten caught up. Without looking in the mirror I still saw myself as “the fat house wife with no dreams”. Having to remind myself constantly who I was. My mind was not at the same level as my body had reached. This kind of kept me at a stand still for a long time. I wasn’t ready to go back and focus on my mental health issues, even though I knew I needed to. I wanted to progress but I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was kind of lost.

I was looking for some kind of instant gratification. I didn’t focus on long term effort, or long term success. I had fallen into believing the negative messages in my head that had stuck with me for so many years.

Then in 2016 I got into a relationship that was unlike any I had ever had. This guy didn’t seem solely interested in me physically/sexually. We had a lot of fun together. He wanted to be around me and my kids. This was all strange to me. The thought of someone actually wanting to be in my life and me actually enjoying their presence was new to me. I always seemed to attract the wrong type of people into my life. Probably because I had the wrong image of myself in my mind. I feel like in the last year I have made immense progress. I have learned to accept myself, I have managed to improve my fitness level. I have struggled hard over the last 5 years. But these last five years were probably the most growth I have experienced ever. And step by step I hope to share the stories and experiences that helped get me here. And hopefully maybe this can inspire some change in other peoples lives that need it to. 🙂